Shadow
by Trinity23Rose
Summary: No matter what he did or felt, Thawne was always there like a shadow looming over Harry.


No matter what he did or _felt_ , Thawne was always there like a shadow looming over Harry.

* * *

" _You were the one to tell me that he planned it all_ just like Thawne!"

Those kinds of thoughts had been haunting him ever since he'd moved to this earth and they were only getting stronger. Especially recently.

For the first time Harry was actually wondering whether coming here was even a good idea, because no matter what he did, no matter what he wanted, what he _felt_ , his counterpart was always there at the back of his mind, like a shadow or a ghost of the past that was taunting him, provoking. Because no matter the name – Eobard Thawne or Harrison Wells – he was there _first_. He was the first man to gain the team's trust, the first Wells they'd met, the first to have broken them.

As Harry started to feel more and more like home on Earth Two, getting attached to the people in the Labs, to Barry and Cisco and _Caitlin_ , he couldn't rid himself of all those torturous thoughts.

Of Thawne becoming Barry's mentor first just to break him in order to execute his revenge.

Of Thawne treating Cisco like a son – in Harry's case, best friend – just to run his vibrating fist straight through his heart.

Of Thawne maybe… _NO_ , came loud and clear in his head and Harry swallowed hard, yet the inside of his mouth still felt like sandpaper. He couldn't possibly go _there._ He couldn't possibly _ask_ her _that._ Partially because he was scared of the answer and partially because he really didn't want to know.

Because what if she confirmed his theory?

He wasn't stupid. He knew there had been something going on between them for a very long time now. At first he'd simply ignored it, told himself he was too old for her, then he told himself he was from a different earth, that he'd already lived though one big love story and wasn't in search for another that might end just as badly, then he told himself he had Jesse. The list only grew longer and longer, but nothing could deny the tension and the all-too-familiar longing between them anymore. It was finally the time to accept the fact that he was on this earth to stay, that he wasn't going anywhere and that he was so in love with Snow.

And just because of those feelings, asking her whether she'd been involved in a love affair with Eobard Thawne wearing Wells's body, _his_ body, was his biggest fear. He felt as though he couldn't really move on with her if he didn't know, but once knowing… wouldn't that make it all worse? The single thought of her already seeing and exploring the flesh that wasn't really his, but yet was no different than the one he possessed, was torturous. He couldn't stand it and it was driving him absolutely crazy.

As a result, he quite unconsciously moved away from her, kept his distance more and more and was so deeply immersed into his own thoughts while not working on his intelligence booster that he didn't even notice her watching him intently with her lower lip trapped between her teeth, wondering what caused the sudden change.

Eventually, when she wasn't able to stand this situation anymore, she decided to approach him and just talk about it. She did wait until the whole team headed home for the night before doing so and then she decided it might have not exactly been such a good idea since by the time she stood in the door to his lab, her legs felt like jelly and she felt a little sick.

All of her body's responses were quite natural, actually, when considering her past, all the times she'd got burnt and the fact that she'd successfully built quite a tall and thick wall around her heart; she knew as much when being a doctor herself. Unfortunately, knowledge wasn't enough to rid her of her reactions which only increased as he finally spotted her and turned to her in confusion, asking whether something happened. His question alone only made her feel worse as she was painfully aware – or maybe in that moment they both were when judging by the look on his face – that he actually started to look for a valid reason to why she was there. A simple need to talk to him or just see him didn't seem like the right one to him anymore. And it hurt. It hurt more than she was willing to admit. In fact, she had half a mind to just say it was nothing and leave so she could calm herself down and return to her normal state, but she knew she couldn't. This would be running away and it wouldn't be an answer to her problems. She needed to face them head on despite feeling nauseous, despite her heart pounding so fast she was afraid it would jump out of her ribcage or Harrison would simply hear it.

"What happened?" she forced herself to ask before she would chicken out. Because deep down inside she knew she couldn't live this way anymore. It was safe and unemotional, but life wasn't supposed to be like this, was it? A person should be brave. In order to live one should take chances and should keep on daring. Especially when having around the only man who had this kind of an effect on her. In fact, he'd been having that effect on her for a very long time now and she was more sick of keeping up the charade than of what was happening right now.

He frowned in confusion, not following her, so she continued, her voice coming out a little shaky and not really sounding like her own, "What happened that you suddenly pulled away from me, Harry?" There. Finally. Said It. Or maybe rather _asked_. "I thought we were closer than that. I mean… I'm not really… sure… what it was exactly that we were, but it was definitely something. I think I deserve an explanation."

He sighed when scratching his head, a gesture betraying his own sudden nervousness.

"Snow… listen… I… Ah," he settled for a sigh and there was silence.

And suddenly, she didn't feel so terribly weak to be breaching the subject anymore. In fact, she felt a rush of courage. She needed to make a good use of it before she would run out of it, she decided. "I deserve to know the truth Harry. I am not leaving until you tell me."

Their eyes locked for a moment, an angry look in his and an unyielding in hers, letting him know they wouldn't be done until he explained.

"You used to ask me to accompany you to Jitters a lot and then… that suddenly stopped," she prompted, desperate to get some kind of a reaction from him. _Any_ kind of a word at this point would be good, she thought, feeling frustrated. "Harry, I understand that you didn't want to give me the wrong idea if I started to think we were… well…"

"That we were what?" he suddenly asked, throwing her off track as she did not expect _this_.

"Well, _more_ ," she answered, emphasizing the word, giving it more meaning so he would grasp it.

"We are," he responded fast and for a change she was the one rendered speechless. "I mean… were… Ah, Snow… _Caitlin_ … it's complicated," he finished with.

"Again, Harry," she finally found her tongue, prompted by another infuriating answer of his, "I'm gonna need more than that to understand."

"More, hah?" He only grew angrier. "Fine! I'll give you more!" He threw his hands up into the air. "I didn't think it would be this hard!" he erupted out of the sudden and she opened her eyes widely and frowned, again having no idea what he meant. "I mean… yeah, I knew from the start there was this other Wells, the _first_ Wells and that no matter what I did, you'd always compare us to each other, so I didn't care! In fact, I couldn't care less, but then… then…" his lowered his voice, "then you actually became my family." His blues, suddenly vulnerable, met her soft hazels. "You're all very important to me. Barry is someone I can mentor and someone who actually listens unlike my daughter," they both chuckled at that, glad for some of the tension to be released, "but still, every time I see him listen to me, I can't help but think that this is all too familiar to him, that he's already done it with Thawne and I can't escape the man's shadow. Then, there's Cisco. Thawne killed him in an alternate timeline and somehow the guy loves me."

"Harry, we all do," Caitlin felt the need to interrupt him just then. "Because you are _not_ him. You never were."

"I know that," he admitted with a nod, placing his hands on his hips as he looked at her again. "And I can live with all of it, but… you, Snow, _you_ …" He shook his head. "Every time we go somewhere together, every time we are alone and enjoying each other, I… I see you with _him_. I can't help but think…"

"The answer is no," she quickly provided and he was startled by that, his brain not really catching up with his ears just yet.

"What?" He raised his head to look at her.

"I never had any real feelings for Eobard Thawne nor have I been with the man," she made it clear. "Is this what you wanted to hear? Harry, I can't believe you'd think…"

"Maybe. Maybe that was stupid," he admitted, "but doesn't change the fact that you could have. You could have desired him. Did you?"

"I…" she hesitated just then and that was it for him. _Careful what you wish for_ , right? He thought, wondering whether her actually having feelings for the man and doing anything about them was worse than her not having them and screwing the guy. "Ok, before you jump to any conclusions, let me explain it as best as I can," she quickly followed with, but it was already too late. He already did. "I found him handsome," she continued, "and intriguing, but I was never in love with him. I didn't have feelings for him because I was in love with Ronnie back then and once Ronnie was gone I was so closed off that I couldn't possibly think of romance with anyone. That's the truth. Those are the facts. When I met you… well… you were so much different, Harry. You… despite the shared looks you were like a breath of fresh air. You never tried to win us over, you didn't care whether we liked you or not and that is exactly why I felt like it was ok to trust you. And… then things just escalated from _there_."

He wasn't looking at her during all this time, staring into the wall on his right, but now he had to. His brain finally registered her words and caught their meaning and for the first time in weeks he actually felt free of this constant struggle, of always being in Thawne's shadow.

"I mean there's only one Harry Wells, right? The only one I could imagine myself being with," she then said awkwardly and he could tell she was highly embarrassed by her confession. And just this, this clear embarrassment as though she wasn't sure she should say it, as though she was scared of rejection that seemed to be incomprehensible to him, told him to walk over to her, cup her face and press his lips against hers. Because how on earth could he ever reject her? She was his everything and he thanked God that Thawne was not hers.

"Just to make it even clearer," he nearly whispered against her lips before he forced himself to tear away from her for a moment, "I feel the same way, Snow. I was just…"

"I understand," she assured him when resting her hands in the crooks of his elbows as he was still holding her face. Her eyes actually shone with tears she couldn't seem to stop. She was too emotional for that, too shaky after putting herself out there, after finally admitting what she felt. But it felt good, she decided, it was liberating and she finally felt free to move on with him. In fact, she felt like she could fly. She did the moment he kissed her and she felt butterflies in her stomach and desperately wanted to feel them again. So, instead of wasting more time for talking, she was the one to kiss him now and they didn't stop for quite a while.

"So…" Harry said in a hoarse voice as he rested his forehead against her own afterwards, "should we head to one of our places or dinner first?"

"As tempting as the first option is, I am rather hungry. I haven't had much to eat today."

"Then let's change that."

"And then see where the night takes us," she suggested and they couldn't seem to hide the smiles that illuminated their faces in that moment. Because they couldn't imagine this night going any other way than with them together. And then probably the rest of their lives.


End file.
